Sunday, July 30, 2017

Why I'm Doing This

I think that dieting has become my new hobby.  At least that's what my husband tells me.  I've tried counting points, counting calories, mindful eating, protein shakes, natural weight loss supplements,  shots of apple cider vinegar, and intermittent fasting.  I bought an Apple watch to help track my steps, that is also linked to the MyFitness app on my iPhone to show how active I've been each day and I even went out and bought one of those cool scales with metal sensors that you step on that tells you what your weight, BMI,  fat, water, and bone density percentage is.  I was tired of wondering if weight lost or gained was just water weight.

But, since I love food enormously and seems to equate food with everything good and pleasant in life, I am constantly derailed by the feeling that by dieting I am missing out on one of the great pleasures in life.  I wish I could be one of those people who forgot to eat, or just didn't really think about it that much.  I am always thinking about it.  When I wake up in the morning the first thing I think about is that first cup of coffee with cream.  I anticipate the familiar warmth of the mug in my hand and the welcomed jolt of caffein that lets me know that this is the start of the new day with endless opportunities for self discovery and personal growth.

While I'm at work, I love to plan the dinner I would like to make for my family.  I love serving them home cooked meals.  It's my way of showing love.  I've never been able to be one of those women who plan a weekly menu because I can't eat something unless I'm legitimately craving it at the time I'm cooking it.  Weird I know.  But, I am also vain and am worried that after 3 pregnancies, hormone changes, and the inevitability of aging that comes to all women, that I will somehow be less worthy of love if I "let myself go."  I know that this is a horrible reason to diet, but I know that I'm probably not alone.  It's just one of those things that women never admit to each other, like forgetting your kids birthday.  It's just not spoken about.  I could be politically correct and say that I'm doing it for health reasons, but I'm directly in the middle of a healthy weight for my BMI and body fat percentage.  I also want to prove to myself that I can actually lower my weight since all my previous attempts have been failures.  So, as a last ditch effort to see if manipulated eating will somehow manipulate my body fat percentage I am on a month long experiment to see how my body responds when I eliminate added sugars and alcohol.  I hope I don't die.

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